You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘bible’ category.

At the beginning of 2 Chronicles 22. About King Ahaziah.

“After the death of his father, he attended the sin school of Ahab, and graduated with a degree in doom.” (The Message)

Advertisements

I’ve never heard this story before.
And there is nothing else said about the dude.
He just hit Elisha’s body, came back to life, and walked off…

2 Kings 13:20-21

20-21 Then Elisha died and they buried him.

Some time later, raiding bands of Moabites, as they often did, invaded the country. One day, some men were burying a man and spotted the raiders. They threw the man into Elisha’s tomb and got away. When the body touched Elisha’s bones, the man came alive, stood up, and walked out on his own two feet.

Jehu, you so crazy.

2 Kings 10:11-28

11 Then Jehu proceeded to kill everyone who had anything to do with Ahab’s family in Jezreel—leaders, friends, priests. He wiped out the entire lot.

12-13 That done, he brushed himself off and set out for Samaria. Along the way, at Beth Eked (Binding House) of the Shepherds, he met up with some relatives of Ahaziah king of Judah.

Jehu said, “Who are you?”

They said, “We’re relatives of Ahaziah and we’ve come down to a reunion of the royal family.”

14 “Grab them!” ordered Jehu. They were taken and then massacred at the well of Beth Eked. Forty-two of them—no survivors.

15 He went on from there and came upon Jehonadab the Recabite who was on his way to meet him. Greeting him, he said, “Are we together and of one mind in this?”

Jehonadab said, “We are—count on me.”

“Then give me your hand,” said Jehu.

They shook hands on it and Jehonadab stepped up into the chariot with Jehu.

16 “Come along with me,” said Jehu, “and witness my zeal for God.” Together they proceeded in the chariot.

17 When they arrived in Samaria, Jehu massacred everyone left in Samaria who was in any way connected with Ahab—a mass execution, just as God had told Elijah.

18-19 Next, Jehu got all the people together and addressed them:
Ahab served Baal small-time; Jehu will serve him big-time.
“Get all the prophets of Baal here—everyone who served him, all his priests. Get everyone here; don’t leave anyone out. I have a great sacrifice to offer Baal. If you don’t show up, you won’t live to tell about it.” (Jehu was lying, of course. He planned to destroy all the worshipers of Baal.)

20 Jehu ordered, “Make preparation for a holy convocation for Baal.” They did and posted the date.

21 Jehu then summoned everyone in Israel. They came in droves—every worshiper of Baal in the country. Nobody stayed home. They came and packed the temple of Baal to capacity.

22 Jehu directed the keeper of the wardrobe, “Get robes for all the servants of Baal.” He brought out their robes.

23-24 Jehu and Jehonadab the Recabite now entered the temple of Baal and said, “Double-check and make sure that there are no worshipers of God in here; only Baal-worshipers are allowed.” Then they launched the worship, making the sacrifices and burnt offerings.

Meanwhile, Jehu had stationed eighty men outside with orders: “Don’t let a single person escape; if you do, it’s your life for his life.”

25-27 When Jehu had finished with the sacrificial solemnities, he signaled to the officers and guards, “Enter and kill! No survivors!”

And the bloody slaughter began. The officers and guards threw the corpses outside and cleared the way to enter the inner shrine of Baal. They hauled out the sacred phallic stone from the temple of Baal and pulverized it. They smashed the Baal altars and tore down the Baal temple. It’s been a public toilet ever since.

28 And that’s the story of Jehu’s wasting of Baal in Israel.

I’ll take you down to the market and put you in my shoes.

2 Kings 9:30-37

30-31 When Jezebel heard that Jehu had arrived in Jezreel, she made herself up—put on eyeshadow and arranged her hair—and posed seductively at the window. When Jehu came through the city gate, she called down, “So, how are things, ‘Zimri,’ you dashing king-killer?”

32 Jehu looked up at the window and called, “Is there anybody up there on my side?” Two or three palace eunuchs looked out.

33 He ordered, “Throw her down!” They threw her out the window. Her blood spattered the wall and the horses, and Jehu trampled her under his horse’s hooves.

34 Then Jehu went inside and ate his lunch. During lunch he gave orders, “Take care of that damned woman; give her a decent burial—she is, after all, a king’s daughter.”

35-36 They went out to bury her, but there was nothing left of her but skull, feet, and hands. They came back and told Jehu. He said, “It’s God‘s word, the word spoken by Elijah the Tishbite:
In the field of Jezreel,
dogs will eat Jezebel;

37 The body of Jezebel will be like
dog-droppings on the ground in Jezreel.
Old friends and lovers will say,
‘I wonder, is this Jezebel?'”

A hundred’s not five thousand… but this story sure sounds familiar.

2 Kings 4:42-44

42 One day a man arrived from Baal Shalishah. He brought the man of God twenty loaves of fresh-baked bread from the early harvest, along with a few apples from the orchard.

Elisha said, “Pass it around to the people to eat.”

43 His servant said, “For a hundred men? There’s not nearly enough!”

Elisha said, “Just go ahead and do it. God says there’s plenty.”

44 And sure enough, there was. He passed around what he had—they not only ate, but had leftovers.

If you don’t know, at church we were given sort of a challenge to read the Bible in 90 days. I’ve been doing pretty good, although I got a few days behind while in Philly. I’m in the process of catching back up, though. That being said, there have been tons of stories so far that I’ve never read/heard before. And some are quite gruesome. I wish I would’ve been doing this the whole time, but I’m going to start sharing some of the short snippets that I find rather odd/interesting. Maybe I’ll even backtrack some and share some of my favorites. Here’s the first:

2 Kings 2:23-24 (The Message)

23 Another time, Elisha was on his way to Bethel and some little kids came out from the town and taunted him, “What’s up, old baldhead! Out of our way, skinhead!”

24 Elisha turned, took one look at them, and cursed them in the name of God. Two bears charged out of the underbrush and knocked them about, ripping them limb from limb—forty-two children in all!